Ruminations

Lately, I've been finding myself pondering various ruminations of my mind.  As I parade around the corridors of my thoughts, I see that I am very random, very sporadic and sometimes, neurotic even.  However, to organize some of my thoughts, I've decided to blog about it to the three people that actually know of its existence.



Worth:  What is considered worthy and what is considered worthless?  When people normally talk of worth, they tend to speak in a monetary sense in which value is placed upon a materialistic item.  However, worth can be seen in various aspects of life, whether it be time, money, effort, etc.  For example, I ask myself every morning when I wake up before work,  "Is it really worth it to lose precious sleeping time for the company of another?" Or anything for that matter.  I debate to myself and I tell myself I would think about it before I make my decision of worth.  I've come to the conclusion that anything is worth it as long as the effect is equal to or greater than the cause.  So I guess when it comes down to it, it's all about what makes you happy.  Life is too short for things to be deemed unworthy.  Sure, some things may seem like a waste and you've gained nothing from it, whatever it may be.  In actuality though, it's all about how you perceive and accept things.  That's not to say that nothing is a waste and everything is worth it, it's just perspective.  People tend to veer towards the side where they find their efforts futile when something doesn't portray the results they expect.  Ask yourself though, was it really?  Did you gain nothing from it?  If anything, experience should be a reward on it's own.  With that said, it is safe to assume that worth, like beauty, is always and forever in the eye of their beholder and opinions are just that, opinions and yours is no more important than mine and vice versa.


Love: Probably the most controversial thing in the world.  The most confusing, unexplainable, painful, event a person can go through.   Love makes you do crazy things, unreasonable things, unfathomable things, and definitely sacrificial things.  I watched the movie Valentine's Day today and I see that many people out there are in constant search of that, and that they use the word "love" so carelessly.  When something goes wrong within a relationship, people ask that person "why do you put up with it," "why are you still with him/her," etc.  The usual answer is "because I love him/her."  Is that really so?  And if it is, how can you tell?  Is being in love with someone the same thing as loving them?  If you're in love with someone, does that mean you love them and if you love them, does that automatically mean you're in love with them?  Really ask yourself that.  People use love as a means to an end, as way to comfort themselves into believing the impossibility of their reality is actually better than what is really is.  They use it to an extent that is without consideration.  I see couples all around in different stages of love, whether it be first love, new love, honeymoon stage, marriage, etc.   and everyone has an opinion of how love should be and how love should be revered as.   The movie today made me think how it is almost infallible to declare yourself in love without first denying it the fact that you are.  Many people think that self-denial is something that should be avoided but in my opinion, self denial is normal.  People are afraid to admit to themselves more than anyone on how they truly feel, so their natural primal instinct is to self deny.  They have a notion that if you keep telling yourself something enough, you will eventually believe it.  Now that's not to say that I condone self denial to that point, I'm just simply stating that it's a natural thing to do.  They deny because they don't want to be wrong, they don't want to seem like a fool or have been made a mockery of.  People deny because they can't accept the truth or won't accept the truth.  They continue to live within this utopia reality that what they refuse to acknowledge will manifest into unrealistic certainty.  That's why the next step after self denial is crucially detrimental:  having someone to help you admit and face the reality of the situation.  This can be applied into all aspects of life.  For this particular thought though, we're talking about relationships, love, etc.  I think the reason why people self deny so much is fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of unrequited love, fear of pain, fear of distrust.  It's interesting how people are affected by their lack of risk.  Life and love is all about risk, right?  Someone very dear to me said, "You'll never win without first betting."  So, when do you know to place a bet or to fold?  I guess the answer is you don't know, but the fact that you don't know, the uncertainty of it all, is the fun part.  The worse thing that can happen is your lose, then you can say you learned from your experience.  Take risks, learn to love, learn to live, it's all within your mindset on how you execute.  I guess what I'm trying to say is things are never going to be worth it if you never give it a chance to prove you wrong.   People fall in love, people fall out of love, things change but in the end, time heals all.  It's how you cope and adapt that makes you different and/or stronger.  So live, adapt, and grow.  It's natural selection.

Rereading this makes me feel like I should take my own advice and not just write about it.  Then I say back to myself, "Nah. I'd rather not."  Maybe I'm still in self-denial....does that happen to anyone else? Where you say all these great things and have all this great insight and yet, you can't fathom the thought of taking your own advice?  I guess it goes back to the saying, "do I say, not as I do."  Maybe I should write a book about my annoying neurotic thoughts.  I'll put that on my bucket list, alongside becoming a millionaire after curing cancer.



Goals for the week:
1.  Find inspiration.
2.  Take my own advice.
3.  Take a risk.
4.  Try to write another blog.
5.  Learn to forgive.